glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
