Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
