I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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