Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
