Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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