i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
