The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
