So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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