the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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