Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drake has all the answers
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
