garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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