Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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