im drinking this country out of the recession.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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