That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
