I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
