Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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