They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
