are you still at the devil's house?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
