what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
