the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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