Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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