Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
God, I missed his penis.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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