Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
