**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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