she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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