I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
