how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this beer tastes like vomit already
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
