I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How naked do you want me to be?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize