dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
