Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
