he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
