theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
