I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
