If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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