he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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