I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
