Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
NoShamevember. You game?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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