Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
