My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this will be a night to untag.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
