The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
