I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
