She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
