don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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