week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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