I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
