Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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