It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
