you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
