Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
