happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
