these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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