I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
