I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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