the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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