Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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