i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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