I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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