Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
