every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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