take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
