i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
