She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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