I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
