Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
