she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
