im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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