You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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