just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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