In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
